Jesus

This Christmas, probably because six months ago I gave birth to a little baby boy, I find myself thinking about Jesus' birth a lot more than I ever have in the past. 

 I find myself thinking about what it must have been like for Mary and Joseph.  I wonder what it must have been like for them, being away from home with no where to stay.  I wonder what she must have been feeling, as she felt her labor beginning, not knowing exactly what was about to come but knowing that their baby was about to be born.  Knowing that the son of God was about to be born. 

 I wonder what it was like in the moments following his birth.  I can only imagine they were filled with as much love for their baby as we were for ours.  But how much of what was happening did they know and how much were they able to comprehend about what God was doing by having his son come down to Earth as a tiny, helpless baby?  What did it feel like looking at this little baby and knowing that he was the son of God?   And what was it like to watch him grow, celebrating each little thing he learned how to do, knowing that this baby was God's son?  What was Jesus like as a baby, as a child?  I look at Aedan and sometimes can't believe that our God chose to come to Earth as a baby, someone so helpless and vulnerable.

 And I find myself thinking about the reality of his birth.  The son of God was born in a stable, in a manger.  I was quietly singing "away in a manger" to Aedan the other day as I rocked him to sleep and started really thinking about that.  I've thought about it before, but for some reason, having a little baby boy in my arms made it much more real.  God could have made it to where his son was born in a palace, into a life of luxury.  He could have chosen for him to be born anywhere.  And, he chose Mary and Joseph.  And he chose a stable filled with animals.  I think about the comfy place where I gave birth and how my son came into this world and the relative life of luxury he lives in and I think that Jesus' birth was probably a lot more like that of Olivia, one of my little 8th graders who gave birth last year to her baby boy in the middle of the night at Ben Taub.  

 And I keep thinking--why?  I have a lot of maybes, a lot of guesses, but I don't really know for sure.  But I do know that it was on purpose, to send a message, to make some things clear.  And I keep thinking--what should I make of it?  What do I take from it, from the fact that our God chose for his baby to enter the world like that?  It reminds me that I need to look at people with fresh eyes, to try and see them as God sees them.  It reminds me that Jesus' life and birth were probably a far cry from what I know as normal.  It reminds me to not get too comfortable, to not judge by human standards, to realize that all is not always as it seems, that God's perspective and plans and ways are often so very different from mine.

 And I don't want to forget that.  And as we raise Aedan and teach him about God and about Jesus, I don't want to gloss over the story of God sending His son down to Earth to live with us.  I don't want it to be a simple, cute story about a baby born in a manger, a story that might make someone think--awww, how sweet.  Because I'm pretty sure it wasn't.  I think about giving birth in a stable and I don't think there's anything simple or cute about that.  And I think about giving birth to the son of God in a stable and I know there's nothing simple or cute about it.  But powerful--YES.  The fact that God's son was born as a baby, in a stable, to a young, unwed mother, and the fact that God chose for it to happen that way--when I really think about it--it gives me goosebumps.  That's powerful.  That was something that changed the world.  That is still changing lives.  And I don't want to ever get so comfortable in my life, so wrapped up in finding the "christmas spirit" in gift giving and decorations and Christmas music and all the other things this holiday is filled with, so into myself and my family and my life, that I forget the truth of what God did for us. 

I want the story of Jesus' birth to make me uncomfortable.  I want it to remind me to stop trying to fit God into my mindset, my perspectives, my middle class life--and to let it mold me more into who He made me to be.  I want to let it to get me out of my ruts, out of my comfort zone, to let it help me love better and love stronger, to let it remind me of what really matters and to let it compel me to share God's love and His story with everyone around me. 

As I look into the eyes of our precious baby boy, our perfect miracle of a gift from God, I pray that he always reminds me of  Jesus.  And I pray that as our precious baby boy looks to Landon and I, we do the truth of God's story and His crazy love for us justice.